How to Help a Friend Who is a
Domestic Violence Victim*
1. Bring up the subject. Don’t be afraid to let her know your concerns. Say that you can see what’s happening and that you want to help. Let her know she is not alone.
2. Acknowledge that she’s in a very difficult, scary situation. Let her know that it’s not her fault that she’s being battered. Encourage her to express her feelings of hurt or anger or humiliation. Remind her that the batterer, not the victim, is responsible for the abuse. Remember that it may be difficult for her to talk about it with you.
3. Don’t buy into her denial. If she refuses to acknowledge that she’s in a dangerous situation, let her know that you believe she is, and that you are concerned for her safety.
4. Respect her right to make her own decisions. Let her find her own way to her decisions. Don’t start with what you think she should do, or insist that she follow your plan.
5. Discuss this booklet with her. Help her identify the abusive behavior she is suffering. Go over the Power & Control and Equality wheels. Talk about shelters and the hotline.
6. Go with her. If she needs medical care, go with her. If she is going to the police, to court, or to see a lawyer, offer to go along. But let her do the talking.
7. Plan safe strategies with her. If she is contemplating leaving an abusive relationship, help her to develop her “safety plan.” Make sure she’s comfortable with the plan. Never encourage her to follow a plan that she doesn’t consider “safe.”
*In this section we refer to a female victim because the overwhelming majority of domestic violence victims are women. However, these guidelines apply equally to male victims.CONTENTS