#197 - 04/30/09 07:29 PM
I'm new here, and need advice.
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seekinganswers
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Registered: 04/30/09
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Ok, so growing up, I was abused by my mom. Hair pulling, choking, slamming me into walls, belittling me, and many other horrible things. Dad had no idea, but once I told him he seemed too be in denial, and too this day still can't talk too me about it and look at me in the eye. My mom is a great person.... when not angry, she has control issues, anger management issues, and honestly she gets it from her screwed up parents. Well I'm 20 now, and I'm adult enough too admit I was a mistake, my parents married just 6 months before I was born, and even my mom told me she wished she had let her mother pay for her abortion.... anyway, that's a story for another day. Well my parents now have a little girl, mom said she'd never hit the baby because she actually loves her and wants her, but I noticed a strange bruise on my sisters forehead, and my mom had a strange story too explain it, kind of like when she gave me a fat lip right before visiting my grandma and told me too tell them I got it from a playground accident... so anyway, ill get too the point I'm sure you are all getting bored! So basically, do I need too worry about my sister? Or am I just paranoid? Does abuse stop with other sibling who are decades apart in age? I just don't want her to hate me for not sticking up for her? That's what a big brothers for right?
Please help me....
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#297 - 05/02/10 05:59 PM
Re: I'm new here, and need advice.
[Re: seekinganswers]
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lesley
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Registered: 05/02/10
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hello. i completely understand what you went threw as a child and being not wanted. my grandparents took me from my drug addicted mother and for years i was a burden. my grandma yelled and screame and put me down and my grandpa would beat, molested, and torture me. i know from my family experience abuse does not stop ever. it continued on to other child who spend alot of time with the abuser. your mother learned to cope with you and her angry by doing what she did, odds are when placed in that situation again she will react the same. only you know her the best and what she's capable of and if she would truly continue those acts. if you need to talk let me know.
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#298 - 05/05/10 03:11 PM
Re: I'm new here, and need advice.
[Re: lesley]
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nastygirl
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Registered: 10/25/09
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I had similar experiences with my mom. She really hated me. She has improved though. I have left hom and I have my one sister who is 14 still at home (well right now she is living with my other sister cause of relationship issues with my mom) But when I was at home she was always treated well by my mom. I always talk with her and like see if anything was or is going on behind my back. I always been talking open with my sister but I know I would always lie ond cover for my parents so what if my sister did and does the same thing? I went into foster care at 14 and since then my mom has been to therapy, prenting classes and also has the suport of me and my older siblings so I think for the most part things are good except for that they do not get along but I don't think she hurt or hurts her. I think families can change. If people always grow up and abuse their kids cause of stuff they had to go through as kids then that scars me to have kids. but I know I know I know I would never ever never treat anyone or any child the way my mom treated me. I know I would not, I think families can change and the cycle can change. My mom had really hard time growing up, all her sibligs all have isssues. some have lots kis, some have really raised their kids differenty and my mom has too , like better then her parents and she has grown and imporved with time.
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#302 - 05/12/10 09:39 AM
Re: I'm new here, and need advice.
[Re: nastygirl]
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moderator 2
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Registered: 03/20/06
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lesley and nastygirl have brought up an important point, which is that abuse is a multi-generationally transmitted process which can be controlled if not eliminated by looking at the family secrets that allow abuse to perpetuate from generation to generation. This may involve open dialogue about each family member's needs in the presence of a trained outsider such as a family therapist. Family members are often taught about the family's version of normalcy and unintentionally "collude" with each other in the continuation of these secrets. They react to abuse situations in a way that is perceived to be normal because that's how they were brought up. Parenting classes, psychotherapy and the willingness to choose a different way other than the emotional reactivity of abuse will produce dividends that your children will appreciate and foster more satisfying relationships for yourself. As far as what seekinganswers is asking: yes, being concerned about your sister is appropriate, responsible and not at all paranoid. Willingness to open up what has happened to you and your sister to the scrutiny of rationality will help you and your family to heal from the abuse. You are all invited to participate in the facilitated chatrooms for further discussion and support from others who have experienced abuse as you have.
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