#299 - 05/06/10 04:39 PM
What are grandparents to do??
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BWilson
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Registered: 05/06/10
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My daughter is 22 yrs. old, married with two sons and one on the way. She has bipolar disorder,(among other things) but refuses to take medication. So, she has violent outbursts often. Her main target is her oldest son who will be four this month, *Jack. She has also showed signs that she abuses the two year old, *Sam. Several witnesses have seen her rages and how they are centered at the kids. Whatever does not go her way, she blames the kids, mostly, Jack. She has been seen hitting them, yanking their arms, cursing them, telling them they are bad. Dept of Children's Services (DCS) has been called several times and each time, nothing is done to protect them. I will start with a little background. She was abusing Jack while she was still pregnant with him. She wold fly off and start hitting her stomach when, blaming him for any reason at all. at two months old, my sister witnessed her slap him hard across the leg b/c he was crying. When he was two, my other sis, witnessed her twist his leg so hard that she thought she had broken it. I have witnessed many screams and horrible words thrown at him. She was being so cruel to him one night, I took him away to hug him and she yanked his little arm so hard, I thought she had pulled it out of the socket. My mother has witnessed her slapping him across the head, telling him how much she hates him and what an evil kid he is. My husband and I stopped buying clothes for Jack b/c we found out she was selling them to consignment stores and taking to the money to go out to eat. He has hardly any clothes and there hasn't been a time that she has brought him to my house that he wasn't starving. She has told me she doesn't love him, but wont let him come stay with me who loves him with all my heart. As for, Sam, she actually holds him and hugs and kisses him. Jack never, ever gets that...ever. However, he's always dirty and hungry when they come to my house. I normally feed them, then bathe them. I have herd her scream at him to shut his mouth when he was just a few months old. He has literally fallen down steps and stairs about 15 times. He can barely speak and when he does try, he sounds like someone who is deaf. I have told her to get his hearing checked, but she wont. I think he has either fallen so many times that he has some kind of injury or maybe she has hit in the head and is afraid the doctor will know that. She has been arrested for Domestic Violence on her husband. She is always talking bad about him and calling him names to the kids. He works, comes home and Kayla starts in on him about if he talked to any women that day. He is an alcoholic who stays sober for a year at a time. Falls off the wagon for a couple days and then sober for another year. However, he stands by and accepts the way she treat those kids...his kids! I honestly believe he lets her so she don't start with him. All of these things are things she has done in front of people. Now, can you imagine what she does to them when she's alone with them??? I can only imagine the fear they feel when she goes into one of her fits and they have absolutely no one to protect them. Can you imagine being a small child and this monster coming toward you in a fit of rage? Her face even contorts when she is having an episode! So, here I am trying my best to do something. She has been reported to DCS and just by me. I have called the police, city and county. I have went to the police station and sheriff's dept to try and get help. I have went to the Children's Advocacy Center and couldn't get help. Every time DCS has come to her house, they have given her a one to two week warning of the day and time they would be there. So when they get there, the yard that has about two feet of grass normally, is mowed. The disgusting porch is cleaned up. The normally filthy house is cleaned. Jack even gets sheets on his bed that night. A "luxury" he usually doesn't have. There will be fruit and veggies in the kitchen. The kids are clean and Jack has been coached and threatened of what to say or not to say. So, the 22 year old case worker says everything looks okey-dokey and leaves them with the psychopath. Then once again, She will not allow me to see them. Then I feel even more helpless b/c I don't know where they are or if they are hurt. She will eventually need something from me so I get to see them again. But they are her leverage, they are her prisoners. So, now I have been to all these places, filed all these papers, talked to and literally begged all these people to get help for them. I always come up empty handed. I know in my heart that she will kill Jack one day. Everyone in my family feels the same way. She can't control herself and then the day will come and I will lose him. He will die at her hands...then whose fault will that be? If anyone has any information to help me to help these boys, please let me know. Maybe one day, they will have a safe and loving home with Grammy and Papa, but until then they are in danger every moment they are with her!
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#300 - 05/11/10 02:43 AM
Re: What are grandparents to do??
[Re: BWilson]
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confused37
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Registered: 03/05/10
Posts: 7
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I feel so sad for you... i as child many years ago, i experienced the same things that are happening to your grandson, i was pushed away by my mother and abused in so many ways that many people did not see... to the extent of being fostered and finally adopted by my grandparents (this was in the UK).
I am not sure how things work in the USA but to be quite honest, if i was in your shoes i would try and get a court order placed so that you could recuperate your grandson. I admire your courage and feel for you and your family.
Your daughter also needs urgent help, she is very sick and must also be followed by the correct medical services... I know this sounds awful but in the states is there not a possibility of having her interned? Can her husband not talk with the correct authorities? Can you not do that? (Taking into consideration her husbands problems too)
I am sorry if my words cannot help you but at least be assured that you are not alone.
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#301 - 05/12/10 09:13 AM
Re: What are grandparents to do??
[Re: BWilson]
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moderator 2
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Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 13
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We hear your frustration with the lack of action in regard to your grandchildren's safety. Unfortunately, DCS may not act without seeing something specific during their visit. Sometimes keeping a detailed journal of the time of contact, the name of the person who answered the phone, a description of the incident, and their response may help convince the authorities that this is more than an isolated instance. Also, it might be worth noting that your daughter is refusing medication for the Bipolar Disorder. We encourage you not to give up and to continue to contact DCS if you see anything else.
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