#307 - 07/06/10 11:48 AM
looking for someone who can relate
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maggie
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Registered: 07/06/10
Posts: 1
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new to this kind of thing but i need to hear from other people that can relate to my situation so that i don't feel crazy. my mother was physically and emotionally abusive and when my father was around he was beating my mom. my parents eventually divorced and as i got older the abuse got worse. i still have nightmares about it. when i was sixteen i moved in with my father(who i had not seen or heard from in 7 years. there was a restraining order on him for a few years cause he hurt me pretty bad). it was the lesser of the two evils. i soon discovered he was an alcoholic with no intention of quitting. shortly after graduating high school i moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. my boyfriend was very supportive of me leaving them and shortly after i cut all family off( they knew what was going on but pushed it under the rug. we were supposed to be a good christian family and nobody would do that. yea right.) anyway he was a drug addict until a few months ago and now he is recovering but he can't relate to anything i've been through or the fact that feelings from it don't just go away. i have no family ( i haven't had contact now for 3 years), no friends because i don't like to get close to people and i feel like the one person who is not supposed to judge me or constantly remind me i was abused does just the opposite. how do i deal. don't have insurance or $ to go see a therapist. any words of advise or comfort would be welcomed.
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#313 - 07/17/10 11:58 AM
Re: looking for someone who can relate
[Re: maggie]
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moderator 2
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Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 13
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Maggie-
Growing up in a family where alcohol and abuse is present can affect how someone behaves and interacts with others in their own relationships outside the family. Although your boyfriend and his parents provided you with comfort for a while, it's not uncommon for there to be layers of unspoken secrets whenever alcohol, drugs or abuse is involved. What may be helpful is for you to break through this secrecy by talking honestly about your concerns and your difficulties in a safe surrounding. There are some resources that are available for free. You might try attending group meetings at your local Al-Anon. There, you will meet others who have gone through similar experiences as yourself and you might learn how others cope and recover from the trauma experienced in their families from someone who drinks. Their website is: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ and their phone is 1 888 4AL-ANON. We also provide live facilitated on-line chat rooms here at Yes ICAN that are for survivors of physical and emotional abuse. In the chat rooms, we can delve into your situation with greater detail, and you'll find facilitators and other members who will listen to you with compassionate understanding. You might look up your local social service agency to see if there are any local agencies that provide individual therapy or counseling on a sliding scale fee. We wish you the best, and please drop in again to let us know how you're doing.
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#318 - 07/20/10 01:53 PM
Re: looking for someone who can relate
[Re: moderator 2]
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nastygirl
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Registered: 10/25/09
Posts: 8
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Hi Maggie,
I can relate to your experience. It was similar in my home. At first, I lived with both of my parents and there was a lot of fighting and my father was an alcoholic. My mother finally took us kids and left once when my dad cut the kitchen table in half with a chainsaw. I thought for sure he was going to cut my mother in half also. Once we left i think my mother must of blamed me for her broken marriage or something. She started abusing me emotionaly and physically. She also turned a blind eye to the sexual abuse I recieved by her uncle we were living with. My siblings where not treated the same way though. I was the bad one, I was the trouble, I was the one who was "just like my father" I think she needed to release the hate that she had built up from the mistreatment by my father and I was a safe release. She has imporved but still becomes very bitter at times and I still take the blunt of her outburts. I only ever wanted to be good enough and always hoped she would love me and if I could just change, be better, try harder, do more, maybe just maybe she would love me a little. I longed for love and still do. After my mothers rages of hate towards me my uncle would always come to me and love me, but then he always sexual abused me. No that he is older and I also, I still long for his love too and I miss it. He still wants the sex stuff though. I can not be that person for him anymore because I die more amd more each time. But I also die more and more as time passes without any sort of love or care from anyone. Alcohol could be the root off most of this. My uncle was a drinker also and the more I drink the worse i am able to cope and the closer to my dealth I feel. Anyways.. Good Luck to you and I hope you get what you need.
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