#314 - 07/18/10 12:48 AM
I was physically and mentally abused by my father
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Marcos
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Registered: 07/18/10
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I was physically and mentally abused by my father from the ages of 4 to 11 so were my sisters and my brother ,but the mental abuse continued up untill this year, I am now 38 yrs old and thought that my father was just an A...hole but now i realised that I had certain explosive arguments with my Spouse and had a fight and I kicked her out of the house.
She returned to Canada it has been two weeks now and it made me look deep inside me and anylise my behaviour , I tried to apoligise many times and new that something was wrong with me, we have spoken a couple of times on the phone and she wants to talk another day. I looked at affects of child abusive in adult survivors and found many of my irrational behaviour and other things.
It has been very difficult to accept that I passed on the abuse to my beatiful woman and my father still has control of me, now she says's she loves me but is scared of my outbursts.
I spoke to my brother and sister just to see that i wasn't imagining the abuse and they not only confirmed it but expressed some of their pain and told me other things i never knew.
I promised my beatiful woman that no matter how much pain the past makes me feel I will seek help , but i wish that we could do this together , she tells me that she is going through pain of her own right now.
My local doctor has given the name of a Pyschologist and I have to ring her tommorow. My brother checks up on me to see that I'm ok.
But I really need the woman I love at my side , is it too difficult for someone to handle this? Am I asking too much? I don't know how hard the road to recovery is , I have only taken the first stepts. Can anyone give me good advice?
Edited by Marcos (07/18/10 12:55 AM)
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#315 - 07/18/10 09:01 PM
Re: I was physically and mentally abused by my father
[Re: Marcos]
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Moderator 4
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Registered: 09/17/08
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Welcome to the forums Marcos,
You've made the right decisions to reach out for help. The first step can be the hardest. Patterns of abuse can be multi- generational in families but one can always make the conscious efforts to not be part of this process. The behavior that you displayed is a pattern that can be corrected. Your decision to ask for help in how to take the next step to help your relationship with your "beautiful woman", shows compassion.
Both you and she will need to give yourselves some time to heal. This may not happen overnight, and you may both benefit from couples counseling. You may want to ask the psychologist that was recommended to you about counseling for yourself first, or mens'groups if domestic violence has been a strong factor in your life. It sounds like your family is very supportive, and that's also important in knowing they care about your well being.
Here at YesICan, we have a male's survivors group on Sunday 4-6pm. You're welcome to join us, or back here at the forums.
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#317 - 07/19/10 10:08 PM
Re: I was physically and mentally abused by my father
[Re: Moderator 4]
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Marcos
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Registered: 07/18/10
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I was just a child when fear hate and hurt touched my body my heart and my soul
As I got older the pain stayed inside ,I didn’t want the world to see my tears
When I met you , new feelings entered my body my heart and my soul
I tried to move the earth for you but what was hidden away kept me from being strong
As I was hurting I saw myself losing control , I didn’t see the evil return
I learned to face it because of our love , I yell for help when before I would cry
I pushed you away when I lost myself , but I needed you close to me ,to see this through
The man that you love is still here , fighting the fear that hurt our love
The man you love still wants to be there for you , and find a safe place for our love
I hope you understand that I never meant to hurt you , I hope you see it because it’s true
Athough we see darkness , your heart will tell you that it’s not me you fear.
I was child when my world was pain , but we made it love and we can do it again.
No one is to blame but the monster I called father , not even my blinded distant mother.
We know in our hearts that our love is strong , let us bring it together and right what went wrong.
I love you my Angel with all of my heart , I hope you can hear me and remember our love
I wrote this hoping that my beautiful woman would hear my heart.
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